20 things that have made life bearable...Here's the first 10.

As a younger and much more naive woman/girl, I had made a list on my Facebook profile in the "About Me" section that listed "40 things that make me happy". Since losing my baby in October, that list has been taken down and replaced with a phrase in honor of my little girl. Many of those things on that list are trivial and useless to me now. They were simple things in a simpler time in my life. They held some value then...but probably would not be found on my new list of "20 things that have made life bearable." This list will consist of things that have helped me bear with my current state and current "normal." You may see some trivial things on this list...but they are things that have helped me find happiness. I hope that whomever reads this list may find some comfort in sharing some things that make his/her life bearable as we ride this awful journey together. Or just maybe he/she might find something that helps too. Enjoy...
(Just a quick note, this list is in a completely random order)

1. Net Flix Instant Queue: What a marvelous invention! Sorry Blockbuster...but the whole concept of going to a movie store to rent a movie totally sounds like a drag when you're having a hard day. I have truly enjoyed finding Charles in Charge, Food Inc., etc. that have found ways to make me laugh, cry, be distracted or think about better and simpler times.

2. Great Friends: More specifically friends that are part of elite crowds. For some odd reason, I tend to group my friends into "code" names. So, I really need to send a shout out to my friends in Sassy Chi Omega and the Fearsome Foursome. But please don't forget: KE, BB, EV, AK and KO. These friends have never asked questions or made suggestions of a "timeline" or how I should be handling my grief. Just supportive beyond belief.

3. Trip to Texas in December: Similar to #2-only this list includes my Uncle J, Aunt K, MK, MG, C, and KL. A truly unforgettable trip with people who love me whole-heartedly. Thank you for remembering me and my little girl.

4. Duke winning the national championship: As a dedicated college basketball fan, I generally love the month of March. Therefore, I always want "my teams" to win it all. I still believe that my angel in heaven had something to do with this. Many visits occurred where prayers were sent up to her somewhat jokingly- yet the team and my angel came through with flying colors.

5. Glee: Similar to Net Flix, only this television show makes me laugh, cry, sing and reminisce within each episode. I live for each episode to hear Sue's hilarious comments about Will's hair and to see what obstacle the Glee kids will come up against next. Oh, and did I mention that the songs they sing are fabulous?!! And I never thought Fox could top American Idol....

6. Counseling and Support Groups: I will be an advocate for them both for the rest of my life. I truly believe that everyone must do what's best for them; however, to be given an hour to two hours three to four times a month to talk about my KK and what I am going through without people judging or criticizing has really made me feel supported and strong. I feel less alone...and more aware of how many people are out there who I can talk and relate to. I feel that sharing stories and thoughts about my daughter is totally healthy. Unfortunately, we are part of a very "elite" club-it sucks-but we aren't alone, even on our hardest days. Also, I wanted to put my two cents in about anti-depressants. Get them if you need them-and use them. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel better and if science helps-so be it.

7. The authors Jen Lancaster and Karen Salmonsohn: Gotta love their sarcasm and outlook on life. They will both give you the "kick in the pants" you may need to get moving and be happy. (Quick note: There are a lot of other authors I have read regarding the loss of a baby...they have been wonderful reads too).

8. Online Shopping: Although I continue to have terrible luck getting the right size/fit/style...I continue to look and explore what's out there. Besides, it's just so easy!! Again, why would I leave the luxury of my comfortable room in order to step out on days that are difficult?! By the way, Etsy is my new favorite site!

9. Madison: The same place that gave me such grief during pregnancy and where I found out I had lost my baby is now a place of comfort and release. It's the place where I visit and talk to my little girl. It's the place where I laugh and smile the most. I'm thankful for Farmer's Markets, Badger Games, Concerts on the Square, the Parthenon, State Street, etc. It's the place where happy moments have occurred with people I love. My heart is always fuller and content when I am there.

10. 3-5 year olds: This item was on my original list...but for way different reasons this time. This past school year was the hardest one I have ever encountered in five years of teaching; however, "my kids" were a reason to keep going at my lowest points. I looked forward to days when I was out at preschool with them. They were an outlet in a world that didn't make sense to me. My job offered me a chance to fulfill the hopes and dreams of the families of the students I was working with. I couldn't do it for my own child, yet I could make a difference in the life of another child. These children made me smile and feel needed. I never felt lonely when I was working with them....I felt important....not the same importance that I played for my daughter, but it helped fill that gap a bit.


End of the 1st half of the list...didn't realize it was going to get so wordy. Sorry for that. Stay tuned for the 2nd half...