10 year reunion (instead of the second half of my list)

This weekend, I will be celebrating 10 years since graduating high school. It's been 10 years since I crossed that stage in my high school gym, accepted my diploma and moved my tassel to the right (or left?). In May of 2000, I stood with about 120 fellow classmates and sang the alma mater, listened to classmates and the superintendent give final speeches and threw my hat in the air (not entirely sure I did this). I had so much hope then...hope about going onto college and becoming a sports commentator...Strike 1 (not the college part...the sports commentator). Hope that I would be in the process of fulfilling all my life's goals and dreams before my ten-year reunion (Strike 2). And hope that I would be happy....(Strike 3...you're out).

Based on that intro, I'm sure you can guess that I'm extremely scared to attend my reunion. It's funny, though, because two to three weeks ago, I couldn't wait. But then, I started asking myself questions.

Question: What do you do at a reunion?
Answer: You catch up with people you haven't seen for a long time and ask them what they have been doing.

Question: What are you going to say you have been doing?
Answer: Nothing different than I did at 5-year reunion.

Question: Then why would you go if nothing has changed?
Answer: I have no clue.

Question: Don't you want to see some of your close friends?
Answer: Yes, of course. But maybe not in that kind of situation.

Question: Is there any reason to go?
Answer: Because I have no reason not to...right?!

I'm scared because I don't want to deal with seeing people who have happy, successful lives. I'm scared because I don't want to answer the "do you have any kids?" question. I'm scared because I know how many of my classmates are going to show up pregnant or with pictures of their beautiful children. And I'm scared because I wanted so much to have more at this point in my life than I do now.

Maybe it's just not the right time....maybe I should just wait for 15-year....maybe it will all be different then? But can the senior class president really miss her 10-year reunion especially after she helped plan some of it? It's a difficult question that I need to find answers to in the next couple of days. I hate to miss it, but by missing it, am I taking care of myself? And isn't that the key when grieving? Taking care of myself.

Looking for answers and advice...