That's what friends are supposed to do

My obsession with Bruno Mars continues....This time it's related to friendships and how the people in your life should or typically would stick by you through the toughest of times. Wishing this was the case for those of us that have had the misfortune of losing not only a baby but friendships/relationships that we thought would last a lifetime. However, I want it to be known (just in case I someday decide to share this blog with my IRL friends), that THERE ARE people in my life that have been there and continue to be there for me today.

They are the people who continue to make an effort to call despite the lack of callbacks. They are the people who continue to invite me to events despite my lack of accepting the offer. They are the people who reach out just to send an email saying they are thinking of me today. I am blessed to have these kinds of people in my life. They are what I call "true" friends. The friends that will stick by me through the good times and bad. The friends that understand what I need and will respect that of me.

I know that this can be very difficult...and I understand that people really don't know what to do or what to say. But, what's really different about a friend losing a job and just stating that if they need anything, you'll be there for them. And then when you see or talk to that person again, you ask them how things are going. How is that different than our situations? They both seem like difficult topics to talk about. They both have pretty sad endings...but offer hope for new beginnings. Guess it seems easier to me than maybe it really is? But maybe that's what makes our situation so much more difficult than any other form of grief?

We, as baby loss families, have dealt with the worse...and we know how to handle just about anything that comes our way. We understand how to be there for other people who are suffering a similar loss or painful situation. We know what we would want...and what people did for us. Or what people didn't do. It is a lot about the education, I guess. Teaching people what we feel, how we feel, and what they can do to help us feel better. And then having people realize that what we have taught them can pretty much apply to many "heartbreaking" situations. Doesn't really seem fair that this is our job? I know I really don't need to add anything more to my plate. But in honor of my daughter, I feel like I must. It's my duty as her mom to help others understand what my needs are, so that they may truly know what to do if this should ever happen again.

What is key to the education of others is that they must be willing. A person must want to understand. They must care so much about you and value your friendship, that they want to hear about you, your child and how you are dealing with it. Again, I really believe that those are your "true" friends. My "true" friends don't cringe when I bring up my pregnancy. Or Kennedy's name. Her heaven date. Support group. Blog. Etc. They listen. They want to know more. They get excited for me thinking about the idea of a walk in October. Or when I have something new on to honor her. Or they just simply ask "how are you?" with the full intention of wanting to know how I am dealing with the loss of my daughter. And these friends do this because they truly understand what friends are supposed to do.

Count on Me
Bruno Mars

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will remind you

Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go, never say goodbye

You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there and I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends
Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

You can count on me 'cause I can count on you