Ready for a new era?

Tonight is my birthday eve...and not just any birthday eve, but this is the eve of my 30th birthday. A huge, momentous moment amoung many...I guess?! Thirty...hmmm. What does that mean? Is it really that big of a deal? Or is it just another year? And if it is a big deal, why does hitting the decades symbolize such a huge event? Why aren't other years celebrated or dreaded the same way?

The only real reason I can come up with is that we all have a fear of getting old. There was a time in our lives where we couldn't wait to be "older." At five, we couldn't wait to be an age where we could stay up later. At twelve, we couldn't wait to be teenagers. At fifteen, we couldn't wait to drive. At twenty, we awaited the day that we turned twenty-one. But then after 21, what is there? It's one of the weirdest phenomenons to me. Typically people spend only 20 years of their lives looking forward to the years ahead, but after that, there is a sense of foreboding that tends to go with the passing of time. But typically, people live well past their twenties. So, why do we spend the rest of our lives worrying, angry, afraid? Why don't most of us find ways to celebrate the time that is passing?

I think in the babyloss community, we worry a lot about time passing because it symbolizes how long we have been without our babies. We worry about who will forget the further we get away from that time. We become the voices for our children in Heaven by always emphasizing those moments or the time that has passed. We are the ones who know exactly how many years, months, minutes have passed from the time we said good-bye. So, for many of us, there have been moments in our lives when we would have preferred time to just stop. However, it didn't, and there was nothing we could do about it. Time has continued to move on, and so have we.

We are now the mothers of rainbows. We are the mothers of non-profits. We are the mothers of memorial events. We are the mothers of blogs. We are the mothers of memorial and remembrance items. We are the mothers of support groups. And as we all know, we wouldn't be the mothers of any of that without our babies and the time that has passed since we said good-bye. I know, personally, that without time I would never have been ready to set-up and organize the Forever in Our Hearts Remembrance Day this year. I needed that time for my heart to heal and to gain the strength to reach out to other families who had been through similar situations. I needed time to be able to share my daughter and my story. I was able to do all of that with the gift of time.

So, yes, growing old can often be difficult and not fun. It can cause worry and frustration, but time can offer many opportunities. It gives all of us the chance to remember. It gives us a chance to grow. Develop. Change if we want to. Reflect. Start over. The time that has passed will always be there because the things that are most important we will never forget. Those things and events shaped us. However, to look forward allows us to take part in new adventures, new chapters, new moments.

Tonight, I am thankful for the gift of time. For the gift of another year. Another chance. A fresh outlook on all that could become of this year. I will look back on all that has happened in my 20s and fondly remember the good and bad times. And lately, it often feels like there are more bad times than good, but I had to have those times. I know that. They weren't and aren't easy, but there is a bigger story to tell. A story that continues into my 30s and beyond. So, I will celebrate being 30. And I will continue to look forward to the years, months, moments ahead.