9 months today...

Today, I'm posting because I've decided that I hate dates. Dates indicate time moving, days passing by, and a truth that it has been this many days , weeks or months that I have been without my baby. Today, I hit 9 months since I found out that Kennedy was gone. 9 months is that "magical" number that a mother is supposed to get to when pregnant. I hate 9 months.... it makes me realize that I never got to that "magical" number and am not sure if I ever will. Yes, I read many blogs and hear from many people that it could and will happen again for me, but there is no assurance. There is no guarantee. I am thrilled for the people that are carrying their "rainbow" babies, and I pray that they will all see 9 months and longer. But for me, 9 months just is a reminder that I will only hold my baby girl in Heaven someday. It does not bring me much peace today...but maybe someday it will.