I have been changed...for good.

Just recently, I had the opportunity to see the Broadway Across America production of Wicked in Milwaukee with some of my really close friends. Every second of the production was amazing and completely mesmerizing. I totally recommend seeing it if you ever get the chance. As a longtime fan of The Wizard of Oz, I knew the story behind Wicked and had even attempted reading the book. However, I tend to be a reader that needs a couple of tries before actually diving in...(case in point: Harry Potter). So, I went into the performance knowing just a little bit about the story and a few of the songs. By the end of the show, I was in tears...not only from the overwhelming joy I had felt from seeing something so beautiful put together but also from the meaning behind the story of the Wicked Witch of the West. One of the songs sang near the end of the production was "For Good" (lyrics listed below).

To put into words what this song meant to me when listening to it at Wicked with my close friends by my side is enough to bring me to tears now....to say I felt touched and comforted does not do it justice. I was so overwhelmed with love towards these people and all they had done for me in the past year. I am beyond grateful that they came into my life at the "right time" and have seen me and been with me at my absolute worst. I truly do not know where I would be without them... and I feel extremely blessed that they are a part of my life.

Since seeing Wicked, this song has taken on new meaning in my life during certain events and for certain people....

I heard it on my way to the clinic a couple of weeks ago where I had been given the news that Kennedy had died. The first few lines of the song touched me when I thought about how I am and was so blessed to have had her in my life if even it was for a short time. She is a part of my life for a reason...and I have grown because of her. After losing Kennedy, I am a "different" person, and maybe for the better, but definitely I am changed for good.

Today, I heard it on my way to my Godsister's birthday party. And it brought a whole new meaning to me. This time the meaning included all of you beautiful baby loss mothers. Although, I would never want anyone to be a part of this "club," I know I have learned so much from all of you.
-I have learned that we all have similar emotions despite the differences in our situations.
-I have learned that it's okay to grieve for as long as you need.
-I have learned that writing on a blog and having people comment makes me feel supported and understood.
-I have learned how important it is to share comments on others' blogs in order to make them feel the same way I do.
-I have learned that we all have a "new normal" and it's okay.
I have learned that it is okay to think about my baby every single day and be able to share my thoughts with all of you who are willing to read and reply.
-I have learned that I love having friends all over the world....and feeling a part of each others' lives as we ride on this wild roller coaster called life.
-And I have learned that I have been changed....for good...by all of you.

"So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend"

Thank you, baby loss mothers. Thank you for being my friends and touching my heart.


"For Good"

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you




Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good





It well may be

That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a hand print on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend





Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you
I have been changed for good





And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things
I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore


Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?
And because I knew you
Because I knew you





Because I knew you

I have been changed for good.