It's been awhile since I've been on here...and I have definitely been missing writing and reading fellow BLM's insights and good well wishes. I have been needing it with a desperation incredibly deep the last couple of weeks. I have taken a turn....and it's been a turn for the worse. I have allowed myself to put up a strong facade the last couple of weeks as I try to rejoice in the birth of one of my best friend's babies and as another shared that she was pregnant with her first. I have also had to put on a strong face through the loss of one of my friend's sisters these past two weeks as I want so much to be there for her. It's been a very trying couple of weeks. And, of course, I continue to ache and grieve for the little girl that I will never hold or care for. I feel overwhelmed by my sadness lately....and I realize that it's just a part of the wave/rollercoaster, but it's been very hard to function.
However, I have had one thing that I have been looking forward to and that is the Miles of Hope for Moms that Mourn walk that will take place tomorrow. One of my co-workers (the one that made Kennedy's hope chest) found this walk on her runner's world and sent it to me right away. We have only known about the walk for the past week and a half, but I was able to get some people together to do it in honor of Kennedy. I am excited that some fellow BLMs from support group will be joining me that day in our walk of remembrance and hope. Despite the fact that it is going to be quite chilly in Wisconsin, I am thrilled to have this opportunity and do it with people that love me and love Kennedy. I will take pictures and add them sometime this weekend or into next week. I am hoping that this walk gives me some renewed sense of hope and remembrance in a good way. I am in need of that right now.
Love to you all....
Repeat: Subconcious Levels
9 hours ago
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8 comments:
So good to see you today!
That's awesome! Sorry you're having a tough couple of weeks.
Praying that God would carry you gently through the rough times!
I am so sorry you are surrounded with hardships right now. It is okay to pull back or away entirely... those you love you and know you well will completely understand. I know it doesn't exactly ease the guilt though.
I didn't visit a couple of my BFFs in the hospital after they had their babies. I didn't make it to so many baby showers after I lost Claire either. I just couldn't do it. I know they understood but it was still so difficult. I am the one who usually organizes the parties or have a big part in in and it killed me but I just. couldn't. do it.
I pulled away from October, when I lost Claire, and did not make it to my first baby shower until July and thankfully it was a very informal shower for a second baby and there were no games/activities planned.
Let yourself grieve and try to be as honest with those around you as you can. It's okay to be sad, to cry, to scream and to let it all out... and it is okay to go a few days feeling great. It is just all really hard to balance, I know.
I wish you a beautiful day tomorrow as you walk in Kennedy's honor!
Let your feeling come and go as they will and try not to let yourself get too upset about upsetting others (boy I am really good at dishing it out!! If only I ever took what I said to my own heart and followed through!)
xo
Thinking of you during these tough days. I'm reminded that some good friends of mine had their first baby in Sept - I've talked to them once but still haven't seen the baby. Their son was born a few weeks before Acacia's first year anniversary dates, and it was just too much. I sitll need to call them to set up a time to drop off a meal, and meet their now 2 month old. All in good time.
The walk you're doing sounds wonderful! I hope it's a meaningful way for you to remember and celebrate Kennedy's life.
Much love.
So sorry for such a hard time. What a great walk to be apart of tomorrow. Sending you much love at this time!
Something for you
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=7077445&l=6ec8eef064&id=522074749
Thinking of you in this moment and sending love and many prayers. And lots of sunshine in the future.
This post tugs at my heart strings, as I have done just as you have...celebrated the birth(s) of friends babies, celebrated pregnancy announcments and triumphed others along...all while I was dying on the inside. I longed to feel better, to wake up one day and be the old me again that I was searching so hard to find. However, I realized that I would never be the old me again, I was changed, forever changed. But, with those changes came new perspective (on my good days I could find it and embrace it) for the future.
Climbing out of the valley is never easy and it seems as though when I was there it was a lonely and difficult place to be. But the good news is that the storms do pass and the sun shines again :) "He" carries us through. And you always have us to lean on.
Lifting you up today and always...praying for comfort of heart as you participate in Miles of HOPE and honoring sweet KK.
xxx
ps thank you for all the sweet comments you leave on my blog. I know it's not easy and I appreciate your kind heart for showing love to another baby lost mom.
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