A prayer request

My dear Baby Loss Families and Angels,

I am making a request to all of you during this very difficult time of year. As you pray for peace, support, love, baby angels, and rainbow babies, may you find some room to pray for my grandmother, "Grams" (as I affectionately call her). Two weeks ago, she fell and broke her hip and wrist. Since then, she has taken a turn for the worse and is now fighting pneumonia in ICU. After already beating cancer and dealing with emphysema, Grams is now fighting to breathe and stay comfortable. She has been a pillar of strength for me this past year as she is a Baby Loss Momma herself over fifty years ago. She lost two baby boys at different times (both at 7 months gestation). I believe that my uncles are up in heaven with all of our babies waiting for their mother to finally come Home, but I'm not ready for her to go just yet. I still really need her.... She's my rock. She's my hero. She's my inspiration to go on when things get really tough. So, please....when and if you have time, please add her to your prayer list.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Love to you all.

Thank you, December

November has been a terrible month for me. And I haven't quite figured out why... Was it that the anxiety and anticipation of October wasn't as bad as I thought it would be? And that in all actuality I enjoyed finding ways to honor my little girl. So, maybe November was kind of a let down in a lot of ways? No one really wanted to talk about plans that would be made for Kennedy or even mention her name at all. We had passed October... It was time to move on. Maybe? Or maybe the doom and gloom of cold weather hit and the overwhelming sense of glee and happiness from others over the holidays hit? I really don't know...but I do know that I can't wait to turn the calendar to the next month. Although I anticipate the busy-ness of this month and the sadness from missing my little girl during the holidays, I am willing to accept the change of the month in hopes that it will be a better one. Somethings gotta give, right?

So, here's to you, December. The magical month of many holidays, my birthday and beautiful snowy weather. May this month bring more happy times and smiles to last into next year. Wishing this for you all this month, even though I know it may seem to be quite difficult. Hoping you find something that makes your heart glow again. Maybe it will the 25 days of giveaways or the holiday gift exchange? Maybe it will be a friendly comment or card from a fellow BLM who understands what you're going through. Maybe it will be a heartfelt text from a long-lost friend that just wants to show you that he/she cares? Whatever it may be...I hope it comes to each of you at least once during this month. We all deserve a break, why not make it during the holiday season? Hugs and love.

Dearest Kennedy,

Mommy is very much looking forward to a change of pace this holiday season. A change of heart...where I feel some comfort knowing I'm doing things for me and in honor of you at all times. I hope you like your new little things that I put out for you at Roselawn. Can't wait to add more as the month goes on. Hoping the snow doesn't prevent that.... I am so curious of what Heaven is like this time of year. Wondering if you're wearing beautiful red dresses with bows in your curly hair (I'm almost positive it would be curly). Thank you for keeping watch over me and all the people I love. I can feel your presence with me, sweet girl. Keep smiling, little chickadee, and know that I always love you. Happy December, KK.

Love you,
Mommy

Miles of Hope for Moms that Mourn

It's been awhile since I've been on here...and I have definitely been missing writing and reading fellow BLM's insights and good well wishes. I have been needing it with a desperation incredibly deep the last couple of weeks. I have taken a turn....and it's been a turn for the worse. I have allowed myself to put up a strong facade the last couple of weeks as I try to rejoice in the birth of one of my best friend's babies and as another shared that she was pregnant with her first. I have also had to put on a strong face through the loss of one of my friend's sisters these past two weeks as I want so much to be there for her. It's been a very trying couple of weeks. And, of course, I continue to ache and grieve for the little girl that I will never hold or care for. I feel overwhelmed by my sadness lately....and I realize that it's just a part of the wave/rollercoaster, but it's been very hard to function.

However, I have had one thing that I have been looking forward to and that is the Miles of Hope for Moms that Mourn walk that will take place tomorrow. One of my co-workers (the one that made Kennedy's hope chest) found this walk on her runner's world and sent it to me right away. We have only known about the walk for the past week and a half, but I was able to get some people together to do it in honor of Kennedy. I am excited that some fellow BLMs from support group will be joining me that day in our walk of remembrance and hope. Despite the fact that it is going to be quite chilly in Wisconsin, I am thrilled to have this opportunity and do it with people that love me and love Kennedy. I will take pictures and add them sometime this weekend or into next week. I am hoping that this walk gives me some renewed sense of hope and remembrance in a good way. I am in need of that right now.

Love to you all....