First time blogger

Today is the first day of my blog... I have debated creating one for awhile now after spending the past four months reading blogs of other mothers, but I was never sure if it was for me. However, I have always enjoyed writing and now, more than ever, I have thoughts that I want to share. I am not, by any means, the most open person, and I think most of my life I have spent time listening to others rather than sharing what I feel. Believe me, I let people know what I think...when it comes to politics, beliefs, education, etc., but to truly know me is probably very much a mystery to all. And although, I still am unsure of how much I am willing to share on this blog, it has given me an opportunity to share and give insight to a recent, tragic event that occurred in my life about seven months ago now. Because seven months ago, I became a different person. Seven months ago, part of me flew away with my little butterfly, Kennedy. Seven months ago, I knew that my life would never be the same. Seven months ago, my baby's heart stopped beating. Seven months ago, my baby died.

10/2009: My little angel: Kennedy Kate's heart was not found beating on 10/22/2009. On 10/29/2009, Kennedy's body was taken from mine.

Dear sweet baby girl,
Your momma misses you so much everyday. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and wish you were here with me. If you had been born on your due date, you would be 2 and a half months old. I cannot believe you were taken from me, and sometimes I still feel like I'm in a nightmare. I just want to wake up and go back to October. I want to wake up and hear you crying. I want to wake up and see your smiling face. You were my world, Kennedy. I would do anything for you. I am your momma, and I am supposed to protect and take care of you better than anyone. I didn't do that, and because of that, I feel like a failure. No doctor or counselor can tell me that it just wasn't meant to be. They can't tell me that you were too sick. It doesn't matter. I want to be with you. I'm supposed to be with you. That's the way it's supposed to work. I'm supposed to go first...not you. I'm angry, confused and hopeless a lot of the time now, Kennedy. I don't know how to make things better. I can only hope that things will turn around. That the nightmare will stop and that faith and love will pull me through.
I love you, my angel baby. Please be happy.
Love,
Your mommy