This weekend, I will be celebrating 10 years since graduating high school. It's been 10 years since I crossed that stage in my high school gym, accepted my diploma and moved my tassel to the right (or left?). In May of 2000, I stood with about 120 fellow classmates and sang the alma mater, listened to classmates and the superintendent give final speeches and threw my hat in the air (not entirely sure I did this). I had so much hope then...hope about going onto college and becoming a sports commentator...Strike 1 (not the college part...the sports commentator). Hope that I would be in the process of fulfilling all my life's goals and dreams before my ten-year reunion (Strike 2). And hope that I would be happy....(Strike 3...you're out).
Based on that intro, I'm sure you can guess that I'm extremely scared to attend my reunion. It's funny, though, because two to three weeks ago, I couldn't wait. But then, I started asking myself questions.
Question: What do you do at a reunion?
Answer: You catch up with people you haven't seen for a long time and ask them what they have been doing.
Question: What are you going to say you have been doing?
Answer: Nothing different than I did at 5-year reunion.
Question: Then why would you go if nothing has changed?
Answer: I have no clue.
Question: Don't you want to see some of your close friends?
Answer: Yes, of course. But maybe not in that kind of situation.
Question: Is there any reason to go?
Answer: Because I have no reason not to...right?!
I'm scared because I don't want to deal with seeing people who have happy, successful lives. I'm scared because I don't want to answer the "do you have any kids?" question. I'm scared because I know how many of my classmates are going to show up pregnant or with pictures of their beautiful children. And I'm scared because I wanted so much to have more at this point in my life than I do now.
Maybe it's just not the right time....maybe I should just wait for 15-year....maybe it will all be different then? But can the senior class president really miss her 10-year reunion especially after she helped plan some of it? It's a difficult question that I need to find answers to in the next couple of days. I hate to miss it, but by missing it, am I taking care of myself? And isn't that the key when grieving? Taking care of myself.
Looking for answers and advice...
Repeat: Subconcious Levels
9 hours ago
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5 comments:
I just attended my 10 year high school reunion last weekend. It was my first reunion since high school. I had planned to go last year when I was still pregnant, but when all of that changed I had made up my mind not to go. At the last minute I changed my mind and decided to attend. It was hard to decide because I have been having a hard time with my due date getting closer. I had a lot of mixed feelings and I didn't want to see babies and pregnant friends just like you don't. I got lucky and it was held for two nights. The first night being family night and the second night being you and a guest night. I didn't attend the first night because a lot of my old classmates would have their newborns there and I couldn't handle that. The second night I attended and only had to deal with one pregnant friend. I was so excited to see everyone though it didn't really bother me like I thought it would. I was happy when asked if or how many kids I had because I could talk about my little angel and people understood. In the end I was happy that I went. It was a much needed outing for me. I didn't dwell like I thought I would and I didn't let things get to me. I actually relaxed and let myself have a good time. Do what is best for you and don't put so much pressure on yourself like I did about all of it. If you feel up to going you should go and if you don't you don't have to people will understand your situation. Lots of hugs to you
i skipped my 10-yr reunion for the same reasons, and after a friend of mine who attended told me about what it was like, and after i reconnected w/ so many high school people on facebook, i've changed my mind. my 20-yr reunion is in 2 yrs, and i definitely want to attend - although if i've still not had any children by then, i might change my mind...
hope you are able to make a decision about it that will make you comfortable.
I wasn't much into high school so haven't attended anything, was glad to get out of the place the first time! I would suggest looking at your reasons for going and your reasons for not going and doing what feels right. You can always find another way to catch up with the people you want to see.
I think high school reunions are tough social situations to navigate even for 'normal' people. I haven't been to a high school reunion but from what I heard from other close high school friends it can be intimidating and pressure-driven - pressure to look good, pressure to appear successful, pressure to be happy. But I'm guessing not all high school reunions are like that, some are most probably good fun and a great way to see long lost friends. As all the gals here said, make a decision that you're comfortable with. Do what is best for you.
My thoughts are with you and your little one, KK.
ill tell you right now, i don't think i could go. i actually have a 15 year reunion at the end of this month. T and i were in the same graduating class and first of all i couldn't go with him being so far away, but i really couldn't go after all that has happened.
i realize that i expect so much from others and am constantly being let down by their inability to empathize with me. maybe you and i have this in common? i recently noticed that we have a profession in common, well my old profession before i got fired for being preg w twins. oh, yea.
anyway i don't think i could handle being let down by these people, the ones i have remembered and held in esteem. my fellow classmates who i don't see at all after i quit FB. i don't think i can allow them to let me down as so many others have.
my opinion, looking fwd to seeing what you pick
xoxo
lis
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