Dear Kennedy Kate,
Today is a hard day for your mommy...today is a baby shower for one of your mommy's closest friends/co-workers at school. She would be "Auntie Beth" to you. "Auntie Beth" is having a baby boy very soon named George. We often laugh that someday you and George will meet and find some way to run Heaven up there (with your political names and all). But that someday is very far away.... Your mommy has worked so hard at being happy for her friend. And I am genuinely happy for her, but it's been such a long road. See, "Auntie Beth" told your mommy that she was pregnant with George right around the time that you would have been due. And now, she will have baby George right around your angelversary. I pray that George will come earlier than "your date," but nothing can ever be guaranteed.
Anyways, little girl, Mommy has decided not to go to the shower today and had a very good talk about it with your "Auntie Beth." She said she understands and wants me to do what's best for me. She's a wonderful friend, Kennedy. I'm so lucky that she came into my life at the right time and has supported me through all of these really hard things. I wish there were more people like her in this world. Maybe you have met some in Heaven? I hope so...
Mommy just wants you to know how much I miss you today. Right around this time last year, you kicked me for the first time. It was very gentle since I was only about 19 weeks then, but it was enough for me to know that you were still there growing and moving. Thank you for that memory, Kennedy. I hold those moments very close to my heart.
I will continue to think of you each and everyday this month and always. The key events of last year are coming near, so Mommy can feel the "fog" kind of setting in again. I will do my best to hold it together and embrace the moments I had. I will promise you, though, that I will continue to be strong and fight through the tough moments. You will always be remembered for the good things, Kennedy. Please know this.
Hugs to you always, my little chickadee. And remember that I will always love you.
Love you to the moon and back,
Mommy
Repeat: Subconcious Levels
8 hours ago
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7 comments:
Sorry for one of those hard days. ((hug))
i don't think i would be able to handle attending a baby shower, either. luckily, none of my close friends is pregnant, and my closest friends have all already had kids so there's not much danger of having to attend a shower, even if they do have another kid. however, there's a teacher in my school who got pregnant the same time i got pregnant w/ kenny, but then miscarried last christmas. i have been sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop, to hear that she's pregnant again, and much further along than she got last time. however, i'm not close enough with her to feel like i can ask, and even if i were, i'm not up to talking about other people's pregnancies.
thinking of you and kennedy
This is such a beautiful letter to Kennedy. It has brought tears to my eyes.
I wouldn't be able to go to a shower either. I have trouble even looking at my sister's belly and she is only 2.5 months pregnant. I don't think she'll have a shower since this is her second, but I just don't know how I'll be able to stand going if she does.
Wishing you some peace today. So glad your friend is understanding and I'm glad that you are doing what is right for you. That's important. Hugs to you. Let me know if you want to get together.
What a beautiful letter to Kennedy. You are so lucky to have such a kind friend who understands you. And Kennedy is lucky to have such a loving, strong mama. Be gentle with yourself and know that you have lots of support during the coming month and always. A big hug to you!!
Baby showers are so difficult. Especially for a friend... because you know you should have nothing but good feelings for them. It is just so hard. I'm glad your friend was understanding.
((Big Hugs))
What a sweet letter to Kennedy. I am so glad that you and your friend are able to talk so openly and honestly. You are doing what is best for you, and I know Kennedy must be very proud of her mommy. I am sending you big hugs!
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