Check it out...and make sure to Add My Flair! ;)

After some careful thought and a fair amount of time and energy, I'm am so very pleased to present the unique and beautiful blog design that the amazing Franchesca at Small Bird Studios created for me.

If anyone who currently reads my blog hasn't heard about this gifted individual yet...then please make sure you check out her website.  Fran is talented.  Fran is gracious.  Fran is humble.  But most of all, Fran is a baby loss mother herself.  And she is has found ways to exhibit her energy and her talent by creating masterpieces in the form of web designs, business cards, her very own card line with another amazing BLM, Carly Dudley, decorative headbands and flourishes, etc.  So, basically, Fran can do it all.  Plus, be a mother to her little boy on Earth and her little girl in Heaven.

I cannot begin to thank her enough for the care and precision she took in developing this blog design.  She and I both wanted it to be perfect.  And in my mind, it couldn't have turned out any better than it did.  As always, I am amazed by the gifts that this community provides me and others, and I am touched to call you my supporters and friends.  Thank you, Fran.  Thank you for sharing my vision of this blog and seeing it through to the end.

As an extra incentive to checking out Small Bird studios and my new blog design, I have finally decided to hold my giveaway.  This giveaway is in honor of so many things.  As of right now, this post will be my 100th post.  I recently reached a year of blogging.  And obviously, I am honored to share this new design of On KK's Butterfly Wings with you all.  The giveaway is going to be a delightful mixture of goodies from some of my very favorite people....the inspirational Jessica at Too Beautiful for Earth: Memorial Art, the brilliant Tiffany at Written from the Heart and the phenomenal Franchesca at The Flourish Shop.  Each of these ladies have created beautiful pieces of art, some in memory of lost loved ones and others just for fun.  I am blessed to know each of these ladies and to call them my friends.

Here are the items that will be given away to the winner:

personalized magnet from Too Beautiful for Earth

Memory Stone from Written from the Heart

Decorative flourish from The Flourish Shop or Small Bird Studios on Etsy

And in honor of Miss Mikayla Grace's birthday and heaven date this week, I would also like to award another winner a copy of one of my favorite good grief books. The Good Grief Club by Monica Novak, is a true story of seven women who meet and become friends after experiencing the loss of their babies through miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death.  They form a "club" to help unite them on this journey through grief and to support each other in the journey that lay ahead without their children. 

 I absolutely loved this book.  It reminded me so much of my blogging and support group sisters.  I am so blessed to have a world of people that support me through anything.  I know that you were brought to me through the grace of my beautiful daughter.  She knew I would need someone...and led me your way.  In particular, Kennedy helped me find this beautiful friend of mine.  That is Mikayla and Chase's momma, Melissa.  I thank Kennedy and God everyday for bringing her into my life.  We found each other when we needed a friend who "got it" and will always be bonded for life by our children in Heaven. 

Melissa and I on our daughters' bench on Memorial Day

To enter the giveaways, please leave a comment below.  Winners will be chosen by June 22, 2011.  Looking forward to hearing what you all think of my new design and the giveaways. :)

A sign of good things...?

Well, as of two days ago, it's good to be a sports fan in Wisconsin. More importantly, it's good to be a Green Bay Packers fan in Wisconsin. So sorry to my good friends out there who cheered for the Steelers...this post is not meant to hurt your feelings. But I just wanted to share some pictures with you all of what Packers fans are truly like....it's been 13 years since the Lombardi trophy was back home.

The main reason behind this post was to feature a story that showed people overcoming adversity. We, as BLMs, constantly overcome adversity to keep moving on throughout life after we lose our babies. Although, the Packers story doesn't even come close to many of ours....they are still a team that had to overcome a lot. I always find it amazing how just about everything I watch or listen to can relate to our situations in the babyloss community. Maybe it's a better perspective that I'm not really as alone as I think I am. Or maybe it's just me reaching out to believe that everyone can somehow relate to my situation. I don't know...but somehow, the Packers seem to relate well to me.

They started the year as pre-season favorites. I went into my pregnancy naively thinking that everything will be okay. The Packers started suffering injuries. My pregnancy never was easy. The Packers started losing. I started bleeding...which ultimately led me to know that I had lost my baby girl. The Packers struggled to find ways to win....people who could step up to the plate. I continue to struggle with the loss I suffered and am looking and leaning on people to support me. The Packers take the hardest route to the Super Bowl. As I also grieve the loss of my baby, I continue to grieve for what my life was before....including dealing with other traumatic events. The Packers win the Super Bowl. I continue to wonder when my Super Bowl will occur...when I will win or find the answers behind the adversity. But since the Packers won....maybe my answers aren't too far behind? Maybe the good things are just around the corner? I sure hope so....and I hope the same for all of you.

By the way, please continue to comment on my post 100+ followers post for a chance at the giveaway. Thanks again for your support and love.

100+ followers Giveaway

I can't believe how many days it's been since I posted about reaching 100 followers...and now I sit at 104. I promised a giveaway in honor of reaching that mark, and yet I still haven't posted anything. I am beyond apologetic for making a promise and then not following through.

So, in honor of reaching the hallowed mark of 100 and to make up for the lost time without posting a giveaway, I have decided to give away, not 1, but 2 prizes for this giveaway. After some long debate, I realized that I needed to find something to give away that was connected to what my followers mean to me. I had to figure out how to connect the stories and support of those who read my story and comment to something that has also helped me heal and grieve. After some help from a friend, I realized that one particular item that has helped me heal has been reading books by fellow babyloss mamas and/or people who have experienced loss or simply understand it better than others.

One book in particular that holds a special place in my heart is Knocked Up, Knocked Down by Monica Murphy LeMoine. In a recent post titled Somewhere to Belong, I had written about the "realness" of this writer and the connectedness I felt when reading her story. As a fellow blog writer herself, the author really knew what I needed to hear and how to make me feel less alone. She helped me have a place to belong and someone to belong with. This is what all my followers have done for me also. I know how much I hate that we are on this journey together, but honestly, there is no one I would rather be on it with. You all are so wonderful....and I am beyond blessed by you and what you have done to help me.

The 2nd option for a winner will be the book, Tear Soup, by Pat Schweibert and Chuck DeKlyen. This book was lent to me from my grief counselor early on after the loss of my daughter. This book was written specifically for grief after the loss of a baby, yet the loss felt very much the same. It's written from the eyes of Grandy, an elderly woman, who has experience a loss of some kind, although you are never actually sure whom she grieves for. Yet, as you read Grandy's story, she validates grief and she validates the time essence of grief. She and the authors make you feel that it's okay to "make tear soup" for as long as you need. This is another similarity to my followers. You have all validated me. You have made me feel important and loved. You have respected the time it has taken me....and continue to support me no matter what. I am eternally grateful to you for doing that. It's been a huge help to me.

So, please, comment on this post if you are interested in winning either one of these books to help you on your journey. Knocked Up, Knocked Down will make you laugh and to cry all in the same chapter and help you realize that we do get better....and things will get easier....yet never the same. Tear Soup will help you and others appreciate your grieving time. It will make you realize that there is no time limit to what you are feeling. Either one is a good choice and have definitely been huge supports to me...and I cannot wait to share one of them with you. Please indicate which book you would prefer when commenting. Thank you again. ((hugs))

*Winners will be chosen by February 12th, 2011.*

Thank you, my friends

"You were the one who made things different, you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on, above all, you were my friend."
- Tom Petty

This morning, the day after I wrote one of my most honest posts, I woke up to some beautiful and heartfelt comments from my lovely friends. And to my surprise, 100 followers. First off, I want to tell you that the goal of my blog was never to reach 100 people....my goal of this blog was to find people I could connect with who had been through a similar experience. I needed an outlet to share with others how I was feeling...how I was grieving...and how was I dealing. I needed people to tell me that things were going to be "ok." Even that "ok" was a "good-enough" kind of feeling. That's what my goal was. And it has been accomplished in so many ways and more.

This blog has allowed me to share something that many in my real life never really got to know....my daughter, Kennedy. I can talk about Kennedy and share the love I hold in my heart for her more openly here, with my grief counselor or in my support groups than I can with anyone else in my life. Yet, unlike my grief counselor or support group, there is no time limit. I can write whenever I want for as long as I want. And, more than likely, someone will listen (read) and respond.

This blog has also allowed me to "find myself" in a variety of different ways. I have always loved to write....but I really didn't do much of it until now. And every time I write, I can write about the one person that means most to me, my daughter. What a gift that is. I feel like I can be more open....and honest here. I can talk to people who truly get me for me. There are no comments of "When will the old Alissa be back?" or "Why is she so different?" from any of you. You take me as I am. And I truly am blessed because of that.

So, to my 100 followers, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I only wish that I could thank you all personally...with a "real" hug or gift. I am so amazed at your generosity, your support, and your love, that sometimes it brings me to tears that you are all a part of my life. Kennedy gave you to me. And as always, I am indebted to her in all she has given to me in the short time she was on Earth. But I am also indebted to you. I hope that I can be as supportive of you all on your journeys as you have been to me. In the next week, I hope to be holding a giveaway in honor of my 100 followers. Still working on the details of that, though. Thank you again, my friends. Sending my love to you always.

"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay."
- Dave Matthews Band

"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long, 'til I'm going to need somebody to lean on."
- "Lean On Me"

Winner of Kennedy's Giveaway

And the winner for Kennedy's heavenly birthday giveaway is commenter #4: Brandy, Joseph's mother. So happy for her and honored that she will have a figurine in her home in honor of her little one and Kennedy. Congratulations, Brandy! I will be in touch via email to give you all additional details. Hugs to you, mama. Thank you to all participants of the giveaway. I was so touched by your comments of love.

A giveaway in honor of Kennedy's heavenly birthday

In honor of Kennedy Kate's first heavenly birthday, I'm offering a giveaway to all of you wonderful baby loss mothers out there who have supported me throughout my journey of loss this past year. I could not have done this without you...and I'm so glad that I took the leap and wrote a blog. It's been extremely helpful....I feel supported....and loved. Please comment on this post if you would like to be included in the giveaway and spread the word to others if you think they would be interested.

As most of you know, I remember Kennedy by wearing and collecting things with butterflies. Each day, I make sure I have something butterfly on to symbolize the life of my little girl. She is always present in my heart...but by wearing butterflies, it makes her feel more present in a physical sense. Then, if people want to ask about the butterflies, I tell them about why I wear them which typically leads to a talk about my daughter. So, for Kennedy's giveaway, I felt it necessary to find something that had a butterfly with or on it. I came up with this specific figurine made by D. Antonia Truesdale at The Midnight Orange after Jessica from Too Beautiful For Earth sent me a touching card and postcard. It hit very close to home as it is very symbolic to the way I feel about my little girl. She is, and always will be, my beautiful butterfly. After writing an email to D. Antonia about Kennedy and her first angelversary, I knew that this was the perfect giveaway gift. The winner will have the opportunity to make choices on colors of wings, people, etc. So, please comment by the end of Friday, October 22nd (Kennedy's heaven date)...I look forward to giving this beautiful sculpture to someone who will appreciate it and hold it dear to their heart.

*As a side note, any of you BLMs that have unfortunately experienced more than one loss, I will be able to order a sculpture similar to this with up to as many babies as need to be added. I don't want to exclude anyone from this giveaway.*

*The winner will be notified via blog this weekend. Hugs to you all*